Things are turning beyond bad and it looks like I will have to take extreme measures which can even turn out to be quite dangerous and absolutely ugly.
The mother wants me to get married and in order to get married I have to change everything about myself.
I currently live at my aunts (since October) on the pretext that it is easy to travel to work. But the real reason is that things have turned so absolutely crazy that the mother uses every possible minute to dictate how I should live my life. How I should talk, how I should dress, etc etc. So living at my aunts is quite a relief because I don’t have to deal with it on a daily face to face basis. Just weekends, and the random days she comes over. And of course the constant barrage of texts.
“I hope you have deactivated your facebook, there’s a proposal and I don’t want them to come and say anything about you being on facebook”.
So yeah I gave in, I no longer have facebook.
Somewhere around last month she said that I’m on a deadline, and if by the end of the month I don’t don the hijab I will have to stay at home. What the hell, no way. Good for those who want to, but well its just not for me. Anyway while I was out of town last weekend for work (a fundamental part of my job) she texts me, “going out of control, will have to decide”. Fuck. These texts are real scary my brain actually shuts down and I am unable to concentrate on anything for a good while. Eh. I was supposed to return home on Saturday (by home I mean aunts) but I decided id just stay over at my friends and face the drama on Sunday. Returning on Saturday meant drama on Saturday plus Sunday. So Sunday is just one day less drama. So Sunday eve she starts calling. Well do I have an option? So I go home to face the music. The nagging, the threats, the taunts, the abuse..
I get to aunts. She is there waiting for me. I wash up and then hide in my room until I am summoned. She calls me. Fuck. I’m mortified.
“get ready to come home, go get your bags”, I say no, I have work tomorrow. She goes there is a van (office transport) and that I can go in that. She was making things really ugly and that too in front of my uncle so I said fine call the van and see. She gets in touch with the van however fortunately for me they don’t take the same route. Plus they reach my work place at eight. Whereas my work place is quite flexy in terms of the time we start so nine is the right time. Yay!
Then she goes, “I gave you time, you better start covering from tomorrow”. Apparently men want “decent girls”. She also told me something about getting material and sewing me some tops. She even threatened to burn my clothes. Eh.
I say no. What the hell. Then she goes “tell your work place that you won’t be travelling from now onwards”. I said “No, I can’t do that I’m not working for your Company”. To which she goes then you can leave your job and stay at home. Apparently when you are allowed to travel the level of fear in one’s self goes down, which apparently is bad? Hmm.. She also goes “Just go to work at 8.30 and leave at 4.30!!” Ahuh?
Then things get worse. Because I refused to cover and said that it is not possible for me to not travel from work. She starts blaming my friends. I have apparently been influenced by my friends. Influenced to do what? Sigh. The she gets sort of worse. Goes on about how she can’t wait to get me married and get rid of me. How much of a burden I am and that I have brought nothing but shame and heartache to her. Lord… Then she goes “Are you coming home or am I going to take you by force. I’ll bring everyone and come, its going to be ugly” By then I dunno why I usually manage to keep my cool but I suppose because this went on for nearly one and half hours, or because my uncle was feeling bad for me, he came and patted my head, I just lost it. I couldn’t stop the tears from falling. So fucking uncool. So embarrassing!! He takes a seat next to me and tells the mother, “Give her one more month. Let her be here.” Then he says that he will place an ad on the matrimonial section in the Newspapers and include the fact that the family is prepared to give property. Oh how wonderful. Now I feel like a cow.
Mother calmed down a bit for this. So now my deadline has been extended by one month during which I will have to find a place and move out. This is not normal in our part of the world and culture. The family will come in hoards and create a scene, drag you back and keep you under lock and key. But really I don’t see an alternative. At times I have thought of conforming, just agree to whatever, but that’s just momentary. I can’t seem to do that. So let’s just hope I don’t get killed now, shall we? Heh