Simpleton whaaaaaat?

I was dragged along by the mother to meet yet another boy yesterday and it was in fact quite hilarious. I went not knowing anything about the fellow. Not even his name. This was arranged by the brother’s father-in-law, who is an ex policeman now engaged in the suitor business. The involvement of this man alone should have told something to the parents, but in their desperation to find me a man I suppose they had no choice but to overlook that factor. So the usual drill. Since we had just got back from a trip to the hills, the mother was anxious that I go to a salon and fix my sunburnt face. I wanted to get my hair done so I did just that. Shit hit the ceiling when she realized that I had done nothing about my face and that I had in fact gone on to do my hair and cut a fringe too while I was at it. The aversion she has when it comes to a fringe is in no way mild. She absolutely loses it. She in fact came on to me with a scissor threatening to cut it all off. It was hard not to laugh. But it was no longer funny when she slapped my sister in frustration. Anyway she continued yelling at me for around 45 minutes, apparently now my face looks like a ´sack of rice´. Anyway so the usual pre proposal meet up drill followed. I had to get an earful of her mouthful until I went off to put some home-made face mask concoction of a sort, an instant mix for ´fair and beautiful skin´. Followed by the hoarding of gold jewellery and ‘not enough powder put some more!’, ‘put more eye liner’ , ‘where is the lipstick can’t even see´. Then the aunt gives me lessons on how to talk like I’m interested etc. We finally get into the vehicle to get to the agreed venue. After about fifteen mins of waiting the dude and Co arrive. I won’t go into detail but its a total mismatch, to say we are worlds apart is the nicest way I can put it. So we take our seats, males on one table and females on another. Awkward conversation follows. I take my phone out to see a text from dad ‘just be nice its okay even I don’t like’. Really? So anyway after some polite conversation the meeting ended we got back into our vehicle and wham that’s when the bomb went off. Mother blames dad saying it was all his fault for not going and checking on the dude properly and how he can’t even get that right to which he goes on about how if something goes wrong it’s always him, but if the boy was good the situation would be different. Sigh he is clearly on point. After about seven minutes of arguing between themselves dad turns it all on me, ‘why did you say no even without looking?’. Me: Because I don’t really have to talk to figure things out. What you’ll figured out after talking, I was able to figure out just by looking. Dad: What so now you’re God? Me: Yeah i’m almost there. Dad: Stop judging on appearance! Me: Yeah but we both arrived at the same conclusion…. Mother takes a different turn, ‘you rejected all the good proposals one after the other big, now very good when these goday ones (simpleton) (gee mother you shouldn’t be saying that) come up. Very good. All your fault’. Me: Yes as you can see I’m devastated. Then followed another harangue of how I’m influenced by the wrong people and that I should be stopped from going to work and that it is because I have the means that I do everything as I please “like cut a fringe”. Sigh the hilarity. Then the dad raises the possibility of me playing for the other team at which the mother glares daggers at him and goes ‘She has some bloody jinn (spirit) in her noh, do something about that first!’ This was followed by reverting back to “dude unfortunate” (https://snobregal.wordpress.com/2015/04/11/dude-unfortunate/) and why I don’t like him and that if “fat” is my problem how that could be fixed by directing him to a gym. The audacity! To tell them that “fat” isnt my problem but the “crazy manhunt” is would be next to impossible cause I’m telling you, I sure have tried!

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Holy or Unholy

The family who by now are tremendously worried about my unmarried state and my general disposition towards everything they consider right and sacred has as of recent paused seeking directly from the divine and has resorted to seek help from those with knowledge of the dark arts(?) to figure out what the problem is. Now isn’t that yet another level?

So apart from the usual “she doesn’t pray enough”, “she is faithless”, “lots of evil eye”, there were some interesting revelations too…

Revelation #1

A girl from a “a particular faith” has done something to me (fed something charmed?) as a result of which I am not interested in getting married. What absolute bullocks. There is in fact one particular guy who I’d marry this very instant if ONLY I COULD. Haha. No big fat Greek Wedding, no fancy dos, no nothing just plain and simple seal on the deal.

Revelation #2

Everytime I come home I’m sick?! Well there is a degree of truth to this. But I would discount it owing to the dust at my place as a result of construction work carried out in and around the neighbourhood. I’m sick at work too. For crying out loud,  I’M ALLERGIC TO DUST. HACHOO! But how on earth would these fellows know that considering the fact that they haven’t seen me. I suggested google search to the mother, but a google search of me wouldn’t reveal all these. Apparently they don’t even know my name. Heh

Revelation #3

This is regarding my brother. Apparently girls from that “particular faith” try ever so hard to entice him. Well I don’t know why the special focus is on that particular faith, given that the brother is quite the charmer and girls from all and sundry have the hots for him. I suppose guys do too. Such bullocks. Is there some sort of collective conspiracy against girls of this particular faith by people engaged in this practice, revelation #1 and revelation #2 came from two sources at two different instances. How could two different people come up with the same random thing?

Revelation #4

There are spirits wandering about our house. DUDE.  What the hell. According to the mother, she has on a number of occasions seen shadows passing around the house. She hears doors opening and footsteps and whatnot. Neither I nor my sister have ever witnessed or experienced anything of the sort. However, there is a particular window in my room which is left open with no explanation whatsoever. Apart from this nothing whatsoever.

On the other hand, tenants downstairs happened to mention to the father that he too sees these footsteps and shadows and whatnot. Not just him but his wife and kids too. According to my sister, “that could just be their CATS”. Fair enough. He also mentioned that ever since he moved here (nearly 2-3 years) they too have been falling sick quite often. Dust? It’s all in your head, perhaps? According to these fellows these spirits are souls of dead people. Yikes. Haha. THANKS TO revelation #4 we are never allowed to stay at home ALONE. On the occasions I’m not home, the mother actually plonks herself in with my sister and sleeps there too. The absolute horror!

I’d like to know how these fellows come up with all these random cockamamie stories. I’m also wondering why and how these jokers failed to mention one big truth about me? I’m not complaining though, not in the least. Well I’d also like to maybe throw a brick or two at them for mentioning the spirits because henceforth, everywhere the mother goes, us babies will be compelled to go. Bleh! But the best thing is, atleast for 1 ½ days the mother wont bring up a random boy and try to plonk him in my face!!!! YAY.